


Little Dreams

by Gheloured



Series: Doctor whomst [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Doctor Whump, Gen, Help, Light Angst, Nightmares, OOC, One Shot Collection, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The Author Regrets Nothing, no beta we die like men, no one:, the doctor:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 02:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16546823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gheloured/pseuds/Gheloured
Summary: After a stressful adventure, the doctor decides to take a nap, unfortunately the nightmares seem keen on disrupting her night, and team tardis sees another side of their whimsical alien friend.





	Little Dreams

The doctor didn't sleep very often, being a Time Lord made that true, but after their last adventure she decided to rest along with the rest of team tardis. Falling on her bed with a  _whump,_ she could hear the others bidding each other goodnight. She sighed heavily, kicking off her shoes and winding the key to her old music box. The comfortable chimes were pulsing through her body as her mind drifted slowly off to sleep......

_Burning._

_Fire._

_Crying._

_Screaming._

**_Hm. Just like before, this destruction is all your fault. You can't even tell your little companions what you've done. Now isn't that interesting?_**

_Her previous selves flashed before her eyes. Their moments of hatred and anger pummeling into her heart._

**_Why was it that you, a little child, survived when everyone else died? Wasn't it your fault? Wasn't it strange how easily everybody forgave you even after knowing what you've done?_ **

~~~~~~_no... Stop it._ ~~

**_Why do you deserve to be here. What have you done?_ **

~~_it's not about me. I was just trying to save everybody._ ~~

_**That isn't enough. Trying can't be enough. you must do more.** _

_Suddenly, all of her friends, all of their horrible fates passed through her eyes. Their last journeys. As if to mock her, they smiled and said they trusted her. What a joke._

~~_no stop. Stop._ ~~

**_Whatever you do..._ **

~~_STop! Please, stop!_ ~~

**_It won't bring them back._ **

~~_stop..._ ~~

**_I t...Won't....._ **

 "STOP!"

 She had jolted upright. Her body in a cold sweat. The doctor hated sleep for a reason. At least it hadn't been of those old time war nightmares again, but she wasn't sure whether these were any better. The doctor sighed and rubbed her eyes. She had to smile, be strong for her crew. They were relying on her in this great big universe after all! Her excitement hadn't completely returned,  but she put on a big enough smile, grabbed her sonic, and burst to the console room in a flash of mostly flesh and cloth, no special effects.

"Hey! and how's team tardis this morning?"

 "Great," Yaz answered tiredly, holding a small tea kettle. Despite not being there for long, she and Graham had somehow been able to convince the tardis to show them where to make breakfast. "How's your morning going?"

 Just then, Ryan walked in, taking a cup of tea from the occupied Yaz before turning to the doctor. "Woah, doc, you okay?"

 "Yep! I'm just fine, Ryan are you okay? " Trying to reassure them was more important than her stupid night terrors. 

Yaz looked up from buttering her toast, eyes widening in concern. "Really? You have eyebags that'd need to pay extra money to go on an airplane. You sure nothing's wrong?"

 "I'm just peachy! Speaking of peaches do we have any preserves? I'd love to have some on toast."

Ryan and Yaz, still not convinced, nodded and resumed conversation as normal.

"That old bloke Graham is still sleeping. Probably one of the perks of being old, no insomnia."

"Oi! I'm plenty old and I can't fall asleep!" the doctor chimed in. 

"Probably because you're an alien," Ryan replied swiftly. He took a bite of his toast - butter and honey - before Yaz looked curiously at the doctor.

"You've never told us your species, have you? If it isn't too rude to ask, I'd like to know."

" Like to know what?" a yawning Graham replied, having just woken up. "Something smells good. We having toast?"

"Graham!" The doctor exclaimed. "Welcome to the land of the living! Or was it the land of the dead? Nevermind. Anyway, welcome to being awake?"

"Thanks? I slept pretty well. Pretty nifty this tardis, it had my favorite color on the walls."

"Oh yeah, mine too," Ryan said in a conversational tone before realizing who he was talking to. He refused to have a good relationship with his gran's husband, but deep down Ryan liked him. He turned away before biting rather moodily into his fourth slice of toast.

"Looks like you haven't slept well doctor, have a bad dream?"

"Nahh, just up late working on a new particle accelerator. Can never have too many!"

Yaz and Ryan cast a look between them. They knew the doctor wouldn't get tired from staying up late.

"If your previous traveling friends were this gullible, what does that make us?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Said the Doctor. A slightly, dangerous air had entered the tardis, unbeknownst to the companions. 

 "Well, you've huge dark circles under your eyes, and them hands of yours, they're still shaking."

The doctor sprang up from the slouched lean she was doing against the console and smiled brightly. "Never better, Graham. Save all that worrying for somebody else."

As if to prove how well she was, she began to scurry around the circular control panels and prepared for an unbidden take off. Ryan gave a look to both of the others, walking up to the doctor and softly calling her name to get her attention.

"Doctor."

She kept working at her navigation.

"Doctor."

Ryan came closer, sighing at her stubbornness.

" Doctor, are you ignoring me? "

He put a hand on her shoulder. She whipped around, placing a finger to his throat in a motion so practiced it couldn't have been a conscious thought. Speaking of thoughts, when the doctor finally came out of hers, she pulled her hand back, gasping at her reaction.

"I'm sorry Ryan, sorry," she hadn't meant to react so violently. "Old instincts taking over. Sorry. Please... Just don't bother me about this right now..."

Graham looked up from Ryan, leaving Yaz to look after his limp form. "Really, doctor, we're only trying to help. "

She couldn't deal with this now. Before, her regeneration had always been awake to take care of her companions, not sleeping for their sakes, because they knew this would end up happening. She needed to calm down and think through her dreams. She cursed herself, having been so stupid as to let mere exhaustion let her sleep.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that doctor, we only want you to be okay."

"I'm still sorry."

"it's okay, we just want to know what's going on," Ryan had woken up, looking at her groggy with a scratched voice. "We care about you, doc."

" _well maybe you shouldn't._ " She but out, words burning her mouth in her ire.

The team found themselves startled at the sudden change in voice. They looked up only to see a panicking doctor excusing herself to build a new Tysyphon module for her sonic screwdriver.

Once in her room again, the doctor sighed and let herself drag down the wall to the floor. She had been stupid again. Now they would be worried about her when she didn't deserve their respect, their kindness. A knock on her door startled her. Usually it was impossible for anybody to find her room in the tardis... Unless the tardis had let him.

"Old sexy... Always trying to help me," she whispered breathlessly. The one person always there for her. without any provocation, or her consent, the door opened and Yaz came in. 

"Doctor... I know you don't want to talk about anything that happened, by we need to know how to make you feel better," she said. Yaz looked down. "why are you on the floor?"

"More comfortable than any bed!"

"This carpet is older than my grandma."

" Yea, as comfortable as her cooking. Bad analogy, but you get the idea. Have you come to see my invention!"

"Please, doctor, don't avoid the subject."

"You know what would make me feel better! Tea! And  _crumpets._ "

"Doctor! "

The time lady stopped fiddling with the screws and bolts.

"This is something you can't just brush aside. I'm here for you. We're all here for you."

The doctor said something quietly.

"What?"

"It would make me feel better if you leave me alone."

Yaz sighed and sat on her bed. "You can't bottle up your feelings. It isn't good for you."

"Oh but I've been doing this for 2,000 years, it can't be bad for me."

Yaz's eyes widened at the number momentarily, but concern for her friend was more important th A .marvelling at her long life. "Doctor..."

"Really, I'm fine Yaz. I just need some time alone with my thoughts. some things are best left alone. Off would hurt you more to know what all of this is about. about what all of  _me_ is about."

Yaz sighed and nodded, closing the door behind her as she left. The doctor lay still on the floor, staring at the paint speckled ceiling from so many years of work. She reached up, smiling slightly in remorse as she added four more stars. 

_Grace. Graham. Ryan. Yaz._

Millions of little stars breached the blue and purple and orange. Each one representing what she had changed. Each star a burning monument to her destruction. Maybe she should talk with them, finally talk to somebody about her evil, despite how much she tried to be good.

But then again, she could always hold on for longer. She didn't need to bother others with her problems.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fic. it's ten thirty at night, so after reading angsty doctor who fics I'm going to write one of my own. Please help me, but I hope this is good. This is pretty angsty, but I might write some more if you really like this. and don't tell me the doctor doesn't have some issues like this.


End file.
